Substitute Daddy Page 5

  “What did I do?” he asked in alarm.

  “Nothing. She wants to be comforted, that’s all.” Grace leaned over and crooned in a soft voice, “Don’t you, sweet baby?”

  “How do I do that?” he asked feeling helpless.

  “Give her a gentle jiggle and talk to her. She’ll settle down,” Grace encouraged.

  Matthew did as she explained and hummed, hoping to God the deep sound didn’t frighten the baby. Thankfully, Lilah seemed to settle down. He ran his finger along her tiny fingers, and she tried to grab on. She wasn’t even able to wrap her hand around the tip of his forefinger. He looked at the baby’s face and the tiny black curls peeking out from under the pink hat she wore. He could understand why Grace didn’t want to leave her. This was his first time holding her and he didn’t want to let her go either.

  They spent another hour in the NICU before he convinced her to leave. Grace took her things from the room, but left the decorations and the tree for the next patient who would use the room. If the tiny bit of Christmas cheer made one expecting mother happy, well, he hoped it could do it for all of them. Matthew was already thinking of ways to keep her from worrying. In the car, on the way to the ranch, he handed her a stack of baby catalogs and on top laid a bank card.

  “What’s all this?” she asked.

  Matthew kept his eyes on the road as he spoke. “I went around town and picked up baby boutique catalogs and of course there’s always online shopping. The bank card is an account in your name. It has an advance for your job of being ranch manager, and Lance’s benefits get deposited monthly for Lilah.”

  “What benefits?” Grace asked. “I never signed anything.”

  “Lance had a life insurance policy, and apparently I was beneficiary. Knowing Lance, he never thought he’d die,” Matthew said. “I don’t want or need it, so it will be given for Lilah’s care in monthly increments. The remainder will be handed over when she is twenty-one. All the information is in a file at the house for you. I took the liberty of having everything from the apartment brought to the house, so whatever you don’t want set out, and we can have a ranch hand get rid of it.”

  “Wow, my mind is reeling with all of this information,” Grace admitted. “I never had much so to go from that to having all of this makes me nervous. Tell me there is something written in the contract for repayment of my advance in there as well?”

  “There is. I know how you are.” Matthew smiled. “Job requirements, pay amount, repayment plan, house deed, everything I spelled out when you first went into the hospital.”

  “I’ll go over it in bed tonight,” she said.

  Hearing the word bed come from Grace’s mouth caused a knee-jerk reaction of desire that Matthew pushed away instantly. He wanted her in more ways than one, but he wasn’t about to make her feel like she owed him anything. If it ever happened it would be on her terms.

  The sun was setting as they pulled into the long driveway that led to the Ryder Ranch. The Christmas lights on the trees alongside the driveway lit up as soon as the sun set. All his decorations were on a timer so he wouldn’t have to run around turning on and off switches. His mother had loved the holidays, and when his parents were alive, his mother always made the ranch come alive with Christmas cheer. He kept up with her tradition even though it was just him now. It kept his parents’ memory alive in his heart and on the land they loved.

  When Grace gasped in delight and leaned forward to see more, he was glad he kept up with it. The three large fir trees that were on the left side of the house were decorated like Christmas trees with lights, bulbs, and even tinsel. They were at least fifteen feet tall and they always needed one of the hay loaders to get the star on the top.

  “This is so beautiful,” Grace said in awe. “It reminds me of Christmas Town, which is an area in Georgia where every house gets all decorated for Christmas and you can drive through and see it all. I used to go every year.”

  “I can only imagine,” Matthew said and revealed more of himself to her. “My mom loved this season. On the rare occasions Nevada had snow, she’d stand on the patio and watch it for hours, and Dad would come out and wrap his arms around her. When Dad died she still did it and she’d wrap her arms around herself like she could still feel his arms. Two years after that she passed away too and going all out like this makes me feel closer to them.”

  “That’s a beautiful story,” Grace said. “I never knew my dad. The only thing I know about my dad is that my mom always told me I’d be just like my deadbeat father each time she was upset with me, which was a lot. I wish Lilah would be home for Christmas. They don’t think so, but, still, I pray it happens.”

  “Let’s both pray hard for that Christmas miracle,” Matthew said.

  He drove past the main house to a smaller driveway that led to a two-story colonial style house. It was painted in white with dark green shutters. It used to be his mother’s studio, and then Lance took it over but never really used it. He never wanted it decorated, but when she accepted his offer to live there Matthew made sure it matched the rest of the property.

  “I thought you said this was a guest house? I wasn’t expecting a studio,” Grace said when she stepped out of the SUV.

  “Yes, it was my mom’s art studio,” Matthew said. “Hey, on this property this is considered small, okay? My mom asked for a studio and my dad built this.”

  “You Ryder men don’t do things small it seems,” Grace said.

  “Not when it comes to things that matter,” he answered, and she met his eyes before quickly looking away.

  She felt it too. He was certain of it, but like breaking in a new horse one had to tread carefully and earn trust. They walked up the red brick and mortar steps to the verandah, and Matthew unlocked the door before handing her the keys. He flipped the power switches and flooded the house with warm, inviting light.

  “It’s a three bedroom, two bathroom house. All bedrooms are upstairs,” Matthew explained. “The master bedroom is on the left, and the two small bedrooms are on the right. I had a housekeeping service come in and clean everything. The sheets and towels are all brand new and laundered. Keep what you like. Get rid of what you don’t. There is always a ranch hand around to help out, and Josef is the head ranch hand that runs everything and gives out duties. He can get you anything you need, and he’ll be coming to you for you to order items for the ranch on the budget.”

  “Okay, it’s a lot to take in, but I got it all.” Grace gave a small incredulous laugh before giving him an impulsive hug. “Thank you for this, for all of it, and for being here for me and Lilah. Matthew, for the first time I feel like everything will work out and we’ll make it. I didn’t trust you when you first showed up, but you’ve been wonderful.”

  “I will always be here for you both,” Matthew said huskily and reluctantly pulled away. “The fridge is fully stocked, and some fresh prepared meals are in the freezer in case you don’t want to cook. Lulu is the housekeeper so I told her about you, and she sent a few dishes by. You’ll meet her after the holidays.”

  Grace nodded. “Okay, thank you again, Matthew. I’m going to take a shower and rest. I’m actually a bit tired. I want to call the NICU and check on Lilah too.”

  Matthew grinned. “Don’t forget to eat somewhere in there.”

  “I will eat too,” she promised.

  Matthew turned to leave. “Do you have a driver’s license?”

  “Yes. I was trying to save up for a used car after the dumpy car I owned died just as I was going to pack up and try to drive to Georgia. Just my luck huh? But food trumps vehicle, all the time,” Grace said. “I still can’t believe that Lance lied about all of this. Why would he be so…so mean? It’s like he expected me to earn things with sexual favors, and when I couldn’t because I was pregnant, he didn’t even pretend to care. Hell, it’s my fault too. I should’ve left long ago, but my options in Georgia weren’t any better.”

  “I don’t know, but I sure as hell wish he was around to answe
r for it.” Matthew felt his anger start to simmer. “Okay, no more talk of the bad things. You have a new home, a baby coming home soon, and you need rest. I’ll be here tomorrow around noon to take you to the hospital.”

  “Noon?” she said skeptically.

  “The nurses asked me to keep you away for as long as possible,” Matthew teased, and when she looked at him in shock he said, “I’m kidding. I’ll come at eleven and no earlier. Eat, rest, and then get up and do it all over again.”

  “Okay, eleven,” she agreed. “Goodnight.”

  “Goodnight, Grace,” he said before she closed the door.

  Matthew got behind the wheel of his vehicle and sighed, knowing sleep would be hard to find thinking about her so close and yet so far. Had he been too late and put in the friend zone?

  The rest of the night was spent thinking on how he could let her know he had intentions but not scare the hell out of her. By two a.m. he was still up and none of his ideas seemed plausible, so he decided winging it was the best course of action. Sometimes you just have to grab the bull by the horns and hope to hell you don’t get thrown off.

  Chapter Five

  The days began to fall into a scheduled routine, and Grace was embracing her new life. In the morning she’d get up and make the house a homey feel with things that suited her. She used the bank card that Matthew had given her, and her mind boggled at the amount the teller quoted over the phone when she was setting up the online account. The teller broke the advance down into how much each scheduled payment would be that was for Lilah.

  Grace made changes that made her more comfortable. She added a savings account, and the online teller transferred payments from Lance’s estate into that account. She had to live without his money while he was alive. She surely didn’t want it now that he was gone. Anything he had she would save for Lilah so she would have a good, solid start in life. She’d never know that the man who sired her didn’t want her. Instead, she’d go to the college of her choice and have the life she deserved.

  Grace still beat herself up about how stupid she was to give up everything she’d worked for in Georgia to chase after Lance. But she was a girl who had never left Savannah and when offered a life somewhere where she wasn’t stifled by her mother’s criticisms, she took it thinking her life would become so much better. Lance was her big mistake, and she vowed not to make another one when it came to love. For now, she studied the workings of the ranch and learned her job. She’d met Josef, and he’d shown her the office at the main house. Matthew gave her the full tour later on and, for the first time in a long time, she felt as if she belonged somewhere.

  The days were getting colder, and as she waited for Matthew to come pick her up to go see Lilah, she impulsively picked up the phone to call her mother. She wanted to tell her the baby was doing well in leaps and bounds and even though she had an early birth she would be fine. As she waited for her mother to pick up the phone, she considered asking Matthew to take her to town to look at used cars so she could buy a car. Lilah would have doctor appointments and such, and Grace didn’t want to depend on him to always take her. Josef said that Matthew traveled to New York a lot so definitely when he was not there she’d need transportation.

  Her mother picked up on the third ring. “Hello?”

  “Hi, Mama, it’s me,” Grace said.

  “Oh, you, the daughter who let’s strange men talk to her mother however they like.”

  Her mother’s voice soured her mood but, still, Grace tried. “The baby is doing well. She’s up to four pounds already.”

  “Where are you?” her mother asked.

  “I have a house now. Lilah’s dad had an insurance policy and stuff to take care of her,” Grace explained. She wouldn’t elaborate because it would just feed her mother’s fire. “I have a job too and things are falling into place.”

  “That means that white man has you as his house whore and you’re getting paid,” her mother snapped. “I taught you better, girl.”

  “Mama!” Grace gasped, outraged. “It’s not like that at all.”

  “Please. It’s just as Reverend Porter was saying when he spoke your name last night. Girls like you use your sex to tempt men.”

  “Wait, it’s Tuesday. Why would you be at the church? There’s nothing there on Tuesday, and that schedule never changed in twenty years.” Realization bloomed in Grace. “Mama, he’s married!”

  “Not anymore. We’ll be getting married in a few weeks. This is why I was trying to help you and bring you home, back into the fold,” her mother said. “A good family setting so you can get your life straight.”

  “Or so Reverend Porter could have his cake and eat it too with both of us in the house. Hell no!” Grace laughed incredulously. “You’re actually condemning me and doing the thing you always accused me of. Real nice, Mama.”

  “Two righteous people who love each other is nothing compared to the filth you do,” her mother said haughtily and then softened her tone. “You said the baby’s father left you good. You may want to make a donation to help build the sanctuary for the new church. That would go a long way toward that and our wedding coming up.”

  Grace laughed at her mother’s brazen attitude. “First I’m a whore. No, wait, first I’m a bad parent, then a whore, and now you want money? Why would you want anything that I apparently earned on my back?”

  “Grace, we say things in anger—”

  “Then you’ve been angry all my life because that’s all I ever heard from you.” Grace sighed. “Why did I even bother to try? I should’ve known we could never be anything better.”

  “Because you’ve always been a bad child. I don’t know what broke in you but I suspect it is your father’s blood that put it in you,” her mother said viciously.

  “I think maybe his blood is the only thing that kept you from breaking me,” Grace answered. “Mama, I have to love you because you’re my mother, but this is poison, and now I have Lilah to think about. I will do my damn best not to ever have the relationship with her that we have. This is it, Mama. Even if I fall flat on my face you’ll never know because all I’ve ever got from you was this cruelty. I won’t be calling you again. Be blessed, Mama.”

  Grace pressed the button to disconnect the call and took a deep, shaky breath. She closed her eyes to hold back tears because in her heart she knew she could never call her mother again. Their relationship had never been good, and no matter how much she tried to please her mother or fix their relationship, there was no step forward. It just seemed that the foundation was never there or it had crumbled before she was even born. Did her mother hate her for being born? It wasn’t like she had a choice in the matter. Stop it, Grace. You’re a thirty-year-old woman. Big girl panties time. You knew this was coming.

  She looked out the window and saw Matthew’s royal blue SUV coming up the secondary driveway. She got her purse together and got the blanket she finally finished for Lilah out of the simple nursery she created in the second bedroom. Matthew would honk his horn and she’d go out. He hadn’t come inside since she took up residence in the house. She thought he was giving her space and she appreciated it, but she honestly missed him and his company. The air was more chilly than usual for Nevada, so she grabbed her coat and pulled it on just as he honked the car horn. Grace sighed and opened the door to go outside. She locked the door behind her and went down the steps quickly.

  “Hey, ready to go?” he asked when she got in the car.

  Grace smiled and held up the package. “I finally finished her blanket, washed it last night, and it’s ready for her.”

  Matthew touched an end poking out of the gift bag gently. “It’s soft. Do you want to make me one?”

  “I’ll get started on it, but you may need to give me a few months,” she answered with a laugh.

  “I was just kidding. You don’t need to make me a blanket,” Matthew said as he reversed and headed down the driveway.

  “I don’t mind. It’s the least I can do for all you’ve
done for me,” Grace said.

  “I did nothing but give you what was rightly yours in the first place,” he answered. “Let’s not keep thanking me, okay?”

  “Okay...” She drew the word out and then went silent. He was either having a bad day or was tired of chauffeuring her around.

  “Can you drop me off at a reputable car dealer after the hospital?” Grace said. “I’d like to get a car, that way when Lilah can come home I can pick her up. Besides, you have better things to do than drive me around.”

  “It’s fine, Grace, it’s not a bother. If you need to drive somewhere there are at least four cars in the garage,” Matthew said.

  “I’d like to get my own, please. You seem to be bothered, and I don’t want to be a bother,” Grace said stiffly.

  “Fine,” he muttered and then added under his breath, “because you don’t need anyone.”

  She heard him clearly, but decided to keep her mouth shut. Either he was spoiling for a fight or something had made him upset that morning. She wasn’t about to ask which one it was. Her conversation with her mother had rubbed her raw enough. Going through another bout with him was something she wasn’t ready for. The ride to the hospital was made in silence, and when the building came into view she breathed a sigh of relief. He dropped her off at the front and went to go find a place to park. She was glad for the reprieve and hoped by the time he came up to the neonatal unit he was over whatever it was that was bothering him.

  The unit worked in a system, and areas were designated depending on how sick the premature baby was. Even though Lilah was never in critical care and her case was not as dire as some others, Grace always made sure to look in the critical care unit and say hello to the parents there and offer them a smile and maybe a hug or lend an ear if they needed someone to talk to. Lilah was now off her feeding tube, and when she came off the oxygen she never needed to go back on. But there were some parents whose children couldn’t even be held. They had to reach their hands through holes in the incubator to stroke their tender skin and let their son or daughter know mommy and daddy was there. She realized she was lucky, and she prayed for every child in there.